Last week I said goodbye to a very dear friend.
In 2018 I became friends with an older gay couple in their late 60’s. I’ve always loved hearing the stories of elders in my life. In my teens my grandmother lived with us and was bedridden. She loved to tell stories about her life with her father who was killed in a car crash when she was a little girl. She would tell stories about working at Woolworths, her experience at the women’s college she attended in Missouri or her wedding at a little one-room church near the house where we all lived. I still remember the little nonsense song she used to sing when we were being silly around the house, “Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey. A kiddley divey too, wouldn’t you?” I learned at an early age to appreciate the stories of people in my life. Experiences are relived in the telling and our understanding of the people and places around us are enriched in the hearing.
My friend recently celebrated his 68th birthday with his long-time partner. He had so many wonderfully joyous and heartbreaking stories. We met in early 2018, but our deep connection began thanks to the pandemic. The three of us formed our little pandemic pod when things began shutting down. I knew they needed me to be an open ear as much as I needed them to offer a form of parental love and care during the tough time we were, and still are, all struggling through. My friend would text or call me every couple days inquiring about our mid-week happy hour, our regular weekend brunch plans or just to share a funny picture. He was a recently retired minister and had been the director of a large LGBTQIA+ faith organization for the last 30 years of his career which ended in July 2021. His heart was soo enormous that love flowed to everyone around him without hesitation.
The sudden death of such a close and dear friend, and father figure, has reinforced my commitment toward financial independence. This situation brought back so many memories of my father’s passing in 2018. My father died the day after turning 65 in 2018 and sent my world spinning. He was so excited to quit his job and focus on relaxation and life enjoyment, but that never happened. In the case of my friend he barely experienced a month of full retirement before his unexpected passing. If I have the opportunity to live the retirement life that they were not afforded I’m taking it.
Goodbye dear friend, your calls and texts are greatly missed.
Goodbye dear friend, your stories are remembered and cherished.
Goodbye dear friend, your parting scruff of my hair or gentle kiss on the cheek is no longer felt, but still present of mind.
Goodbye dear friend, your parental words of, “I love you” are no longer heard, but never forgotten.
Goodbye dear friend, goodbye
Gay-FI with ❤
