I’ve been thinking a lot the last couple months about what comes after FI. Since graduating high school I’ve always followed what I believed to be the prudent & practical path. I joined the Navy because I didn’t have money for college. I specifically chose a job in the Navy that I knew would result in the most accredited college while on active duty. I struggled to find a job after I was discharged from the Navy for being gay under the U.S. Military’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. My mother lent me some money and I promised I would move home to the rural Midwest if the money ran out and I was still unemployed. I took the first job I could get after the promise to my mother and threw myself into that industry with every fiber of my being. I am very thankful that the prudent & practical choice led me to a fulfilling career. I’ve had the opportunity to grow and try different types of work while becoming an expert in my industry, but the industry found me. In high school I was passionate about the arts. I participated in community theatre, sang with two choirs, took gymnastics, and competed in interpretive speech. I painted tessellation art pieces on my bedroom walls. I painted shutters on the wall around my bedroom mirror. I collected ceramic dog figurines (over 200) and read voraciously. I hung tiny bells on ribbons from my bedroom ceiling with thumbtacks to hear them ring whenever the door opened & closed. I miss the artistic person who didn’t always make the practical choice and I want to rediscover that person.
What is my passion now? I don’t know
What would I choose to do when the practical choice is irrelevant? I’m not sure, but I want to find out.
After my friend passed away in August I’ve been taking time to focus on myself and get back into a good headspace. We had his third, and final, celebration of life last weekend which was held at one of the local gay watering holes. The final gathering was attended by many individuals in the community who were impacted by his ministry through the 80’s & 90’s AIDS crisis. Many people told stories about how he was the only minister who would read their loved ones last rites. He opened his heart and supported them and their families through their darkest hours. The event made my heart weep for those in pain, but grow to bursting for having known such a wonderful human being. He was a man of passion and love, he lived most of his life disregarding the financially prudent decision, instead he chose the path of love & compassion. He was never wealthy and struggled to make ends meet at times, but he was wealthy in so many other ways. I hope that alleviating the requirement to work will free my mind and allow me to pursue my passions, whatever those may be.
